Columbia Pictures isn't the first studio that comes to mind when most people think of family-friendly films. True, they've had some success with Adam Sandler's Hotel Transylvania franchise, and no one can deny that the Spider-Verse was a massive hit, but for every one of those, there are two Wish Dragons and three Zookeepers—modest successes that no one remembers, talks about, or cares about. I suspect that GOAT will fall into a third category, family films that no one goes to see.

Stranger Things's Caleb McLaughlin and Bad Boys II's Gabrielle Union lead a crew of mediocre voice actors, David Harbour notwithstanding, who flatly read uninspired dialogue in a meandering script that never fully lands on any of its numerous sports-film tropes. Few films fall flatter than a bad sports one. The genre may be the most natural to adapt into something engaging, with the inherent drama, easy villains, and clear stakes, but GOAT manages it anyway, by overloading itself with all of them. Everything from its antagonist to its clumsy and clunky third-act conflict feels like an afterthought. By trying to be everything, it ends up being nothing.

There is one thing GOAT gets right: the animation is beautiful. Heavily inspired by another Sony property, that of the Spider-Verse, GOAT's artwork channels the same raw urban feel without the dizzying effects, blending it with the 3D storybook animation of films like Puss in Boots: The Last Wish.

In the end, GOAT’s slick visuals can’t compensate for its fundamental lack of heart, focus, or purpose. Animation alone doesn’t make a story worth telling, and beneath the polish is a film that feels manufactured rather than inspired, ticking off familiar beats without ever earning them. For a genre that thrives on momentum and emotional payoff, GOAT never makes it out of the locker room, content to coast on style while ignoring substance. It’s the kind of movie that will briefly exist on a streaming menu, then quietly disappear—another forgotten entry in the long line of family films that mistake competence for creativity.