Mickey 17

Mickey 17 takes us through the void of space to the frigid, unforgiving world of Nilfheim, where Mickey Barnes serves as an “Expendable”—a glorified crash-test dummy for space colonization. His job? Die horribly over and over again, only to be reprinted with his memories intact, so the colony’s more valuable residents don’t have to risk their own necks. But when the 17th iteration of Mickey is presumed dead yet miraculously survives, he returns to find Mickey 18 already walking around in his place.

Mickey 17 Review

The trailers would have you believe that Mickey 17 is a satirical exploration of what it means to be human. Are we more than meat and memories? The reality is that the film serves up a car-mask-wearing AOC-Jasmine-Crocket script written in crayon as it borishly clubs audience heads with drunk girl at the bar humor (I’m *hiccup* funny. You’re just too dumb *pukes in her mouth and swallows it* to get me.) and asks the question, “Who needs a well-told and thoughtful story when you can just vomit shallow metaphors all over the screen like the morning after a shellfish bender instead?

                   

In Mickey 17, Korean writer/director Bong Joon Ho, known for dystopian satires like the Academy Award-winning Parasite (6 Oscars including Best Picture) and the global warming cult’s darling Snowpiercer, once again tackles social inequities, government overreach, and more (so much more… like a relentless deluge of more- see the WOKE REPORT below) in this aimless and pointless vanity project. Unfortunately, Ho’s disjointed narrative reveals a total disregard for cinematic pacing, a wet soap grasp of character development, and a complete disregard for the need for a cogent plot.

As far as performances are concerned, Pattinson clearly took his roles seriously and shows that he possesses talent far and away better than this movie deserved. The rest of the cast is there, and then there is Mark Ruffalo. Ruffalo, who anyone who has listened to or read on various social media his enumerable mindless leftist rants already knows is functionally retarded proves once and for all that he’s also a talentless hack. The She-Hulk actor spends the runtime bringing to 4K life the personification of a 90’s durr (the sound one would make when someone else said something obvious or dumb). After this embarrassing performance, he should be court-ordered to spend his own money on having all of his previous performances digitally removed and replaced with a broom.

Ultimately, Mickey 17 is the type of virtue-signaling fart-huffing that Hollywood elites love, leftist critics pretend is meaningful, and has been rotting modern cinema from within for decades.

WOKE REPORT

Space, The Wokal Frontier

• The film is a barely concealed anti-imperialism/anti-colonialism, anti-Trump, anti-MAGA, anti-Christian, anti-RFK allegory.
  • Fanatical red hat-wearing, Charismatic “Christian-esque” followers of a poorly spoken, loud and stupid, dictatorial politician (who secretly hates them and only uses them to obtain power) with bad hair and a worse fake tan attempt to forcefully colonize a planet via the attempted genocide of its indigenous population in an effort to create a planet suitable for his idea of a master race while using women as breeding stalk.

Estrogenuflect Before The All-Powerful Woman.

• All of the women are vastly superior to their male counterparts (even the stupid, evil ones).
  • Once the evil tan man is defeated, the best among all, an unstoppable girl-boss of color (GBOC – coining it), is ushered in as the new leader, and it’s made known that she will be great at it.

A Man Was Murdered, For God’s Sake

• At one point, Mickey 18 attempts to assassinate Mark Ruffalo’s Trump analog, who turns his head at the last second and subsequently receives only a scratch on his face.
  • It’s bad enough to mock an attempted murder, but making light of one where an innocent bystander—a husband, son, and father—was actually killed is beyond disgusting.

Random Acts of Lesbianism

• One of many useless characters ends up in a random lesbian relationship.

Vitamin RFK

• One of the evil tan man’s key goals for colonization (one that is repeated ad nauseum) is to grow and raise healthy food… which is apparently both Right-Wing and bad now? Did I miss when Whole Foods became MAGA Country?