Slick visuals and sharp pacing can't hide the fact that this franchise has already told this story three different times (4 sucks, but at least the narrative is slightly different), and done it much better.

My (now) wife and I watched the original Toy Story on our first date. Over thirty years and more than half a dozen children later, I took my ten-year-old daughter on a father-daughter date to see this fifth installment. While it was wonderful spending time with her, I left the theater unimpressed by the well-trodden story, and now, a day later, she hasn't mentioned the movie once, not even to her siblings. No technical breakdown of structural weaknesses a narrative might possess is quite so damning as that.

You've Got a Friend in Formula

The plot is a simple one; children the world over are numbing their brains with dopamine IVs delivered via touchscreen. In an effort to help her make friends, Bonnie's folks buy her a Lilypad, a high-tech children's tablet shaped like a frog, hoping she will use it to make a connection.

Hi-tech and low end up colliding, however, as Lily begins consuming Bonnie's days and nights, and the little girl quickly forgets about her analog playthings. Seeing that Bonnie is spiraling into deeper depression and isolation as she loses herself in Lilly's digital domain, Jessie, the toy's leader since the fourth film, moves into action.

A Story in Standby

Undeniably, Toy Story 5 raises interesting questions about the effects of excessive screen time among tykes, and were this the primary story rather than a simple plot device for a rather mundane and mostly stationary subplot, Toy Story 5 should be praised for its topical relevance and for taking a fresh look at an increasingly stale IP. But it's 21st Century Disney, so obviously they do not.

Instead of delving into serious questions about how to address cyberbullying or young children's growing disconnect from reality, most of the film's 1h42m is spent rehashing Jessie's trauma of being abandoned by her first owner, a story that was already thoroughly dealt with 28 years ago in Toy Story 2, as she helps a new group of electronic toys to once again get played with and she learns to overcome her bias against them.

To the Background and Nowhere Else

Simultaneously, in what is unarguably one of the biggest cinematic bait-and-switches since Luke tossed his lightsaber over his shoulder, Toy Story 5 reduces Buzz and Woody to background players. The duo spends what little time on screen they have fumbling around and bickering uselessly as they are left to deal with Lily, who ends up becoming a better "person" without anyone's help or intervention.

Meanwhile, an army of upgraded Buzz Lightyear toys, stranded on a tropical island, comes online and manages to make their way to exactly where the primary story is taking place, thousands of miles away, under the guise of looking for Star Command. Their true purpose? To be a safe, easy cutaway for action set pieces and comical hijinks, otherwise unrelated to the story, when things begin to drag, but ultimately they exist to be a McGuffin that solves the final act's major physical threat.

And if all of that isn't enough, Buzz has his own little clock-wasting subplot going on in the background as well. Apparently, he's in love with Jessie and wants to propose, but is too nervous to do so.

If that all sounds like a lot to fit into 102 minutes, you're not wrong, and while co-directors McKenna Harris and Andrew Stanton have an excellent sense of timing, it's not enough to overcome the inherently distracted, unfocused nature of the script.

Pulling the String Again

What rescues the movie from complete collapse, aside from adequate performances and incredibly beautiful animation, is the memory of better days. Those few beats that will land solidly will do so because lovers of the franchise will use them as spirit guides to their favorite heartfelt moments from previous entries.

Member Buzz, not knowing he's a toy? Yeah, I member. Member when Buzz thought his arm laser was real? Yeah, I member. Member flying with style? Yeah, I member.

The earlier films used toys to explore growing up, obsolescence, identity, loyalty, and, eventually, letting go. This one uses those old emotions as a shortcut while telling a story that never commits to saying much of anything, and certainly nothing new. Its tech-is-bad backdrop never bytes its teeth (get it) into the story in any meaningful way. Rather, it settles for recycled character beats, side quests, and nostalgia cues delivered with enough polish to keep younger viewers occupied and longtime fans from asking too many questions.

Polished Plastic

In one area, Pixar continues to deliver. As mentioned above, the visuals are stunning with an amazing depth of field and texture that manages to seem both alive and fictional at the same time. However, thanks to its anemic and redundant script, few of the visuals land with any power, and none come close to the earliest entries.

And yet, despite all of that, Toy Story 5 isn't some catastrophic franchise killer. It's watchable. It's occasionally moderately funny. It moves quickly, looks gorgeous, and younger kids will probably enjoy spending time with these characters even if the story doesn't leave much behind once the credits roll.

But that's also the problem.

Toy Story used to feel like an event. The originals stuck around after the theater lights came up. Kids replayed them. Parents quoted them. Scenes embedded themselves into culture.

This one mostly just happens.

I enjoyed my day with my daughter. I certainly don't regret buying the tickets. But if, thirty years from now, she takes her own child to Toy Story 9, I doubt either of them will spend much time talking about Toy Story 5 on the drive home.